timelyburden:

timelyburden:

Once my dad got a nail stuck in his eye so he had to get this cotton patch taped over it and while he slept I drew an eye on it and put makeup on it and coincidentally my dads name is Joe so I think you know where this is going

My dad was the real Cotton eyed joe

I wasn’t kidding… dont judge the artistic part of it i was 9 and he is a light sleeper

(via tractions)

drunktrophywife:

If you don’t think I’m cute that’s your problem not mine

(via tractions)

rottenflesh-and-brokenbones:

when I was little, I went through a phase where I’d wear my Spiderman costume under all my clothes, so I wore it for about 3 years straight and my mom never found out until one day when we were at a family party, I was wearing the costume under a really fancy and expensive dress, and someone started choking on something so I ripped off the dress to reveal the costume to try and save them, and I think my mom just about had a heart attack

(via fuglyvirgin)